Fibonacci Pizza

The response from readers of Fibonacci Pizza has been overwhelming. Apparently a lot of our fans run Viagra distribution companies. The following fan mail is from one of our typical FP readers which goes to show that not only do cheap prescription drug entrepreneurs read the site, but so do eloquent poets.

Your site is my favorite. I’ve never read it, but it is the best site I have ever read. Not reading it is better than reading it. Read not for me to read. Read read read read read read. I’m an idiot. Don’t smile for the crocodile, he will steal your cornbread. Farm workers, migrant or not, should be forced to watch Green Acres in order to improve their skills. Don’t doubt the gods of pain. Liquid hydrogen is the great emancipator. Philo T. Farnsworth is my hero. Trace the roots of my family and you will find swine. Grow a tree for the homeless, organic lightning rod. Sticks and stones will break my bones, but and uzi is much easier. Down in the jungle was the place I lost my virginity. Goodbye, Mr. Chips, you alcoholic scatophile. Hang a man for telling the truth, reward a man for public nudity. Trash talking is a way of life for the clinically insane. Drop and give me twenty, soldier. The words come easy when the voices in you head are helping. Don’t be nervous, my hand on your thigh is a sign of respect. Crazy clowns are telling me to kill. I can’t stop the pain anymore. It is overwhelming. The silence is deafening. The PAIN!!! The sheer terror. Help me! Make it stop. See you tomorrow, in your grave. Tacos and coffe are my life’s blood. Don’t stop me now, I have almost reached Valhalla. Thor, you grace me with your love. I admire you more than you will ever know. I must kill you now because I love you. Shhhh! Don’t speak, Dear Heart. The pain is only in your mind. The fear…the silence….don’t let me go! I am afraid I can’t protect you anymore from my alter ego. Scooby doo paid the piper. I killed him for his Scooby snacks. They tasted like bitter ashes in my mouth. Don’t tell the teacher.

Love,

Bill
P.S.
GiVe Me AlL YoUr WaReZ

Fibonacci Pizza wishes to lend its support for Sen. Ned Feratu in his reelection campain to U.S. Senate. Sen. Feratu is the Junior Senator from W.V. and in 2010 he will have served 144 years in the Senate. He is notable as the first Vampire-American to ever successfully win a seat to the U.S. Senate, thus opening the door to numerous bloodsuckers seeking office since then. Ned believes in protecting America and what She stands for. Ned is a Flag-saluting, Pledge spewing, Anthem singing patriot, and loves our military so much he regularly volunteers to go on a couple of missions each year (just for fun). Ned loves Christmas, and regularly gives gifts on that day (not just some day around Christmas). It is unfortunate, however, that Ned has had to suppress some of his loves lately after a tragic accident. While visiting the birthplace of Ed McMahon, Ned was savagely bitten on the neck by a Jehovah’s Witness. The attacker took Ned by surprise as he was buying a Star Search commemorative plate for his collection. Ned has recovered nicely, but still suffers some effects. Every full moon, Ned is compelled to go door to door and hand out informational pamphlets. Agnes Farnsworth, a stay at home ski-instructor and Feratu supporter says, “I used to be happy to see Sen. Feratu coming to my house, when he was just a vampire, but now when I see him at the door with a copy of The Watchtower I just turn the lights off and pretend I’m not home.” Senator Feratu is a great man who has overcome some great difficulties in his life, and deserves your support.

Word from a reliable source has it that Google has decided to establish a Top Secret datacenter on the Moon!

Apparently the lower gravity will extend life and enhance performance of Google’s storage systems, while reducing greatly the cooling costs associated. “The costs of cooling a datacenter on Earth are already tremendous, and growing. On the Moon, we will only have to open the windows.” Said a senior Google official.

When asked why the datacenter was not simply placed in Earth orbit, with much of the same potential benefit, the Google official remarked that insurance costs would be reduced, with an installation on “solid ground,” and besides, “We’re Google.”

Clyde Butterworth, Senior Skeptic at the International Bureau of Weights and Measures, was skeptical. “This is a truly exciting hoax, on par with the original staged Moon landing,” Butterworth was quoted as saying, briefly before being knocked completely unconscious by American Hero and 1974 El Paco County Taco eating champion Buzz Aldrin. This makes Aldrin the second man to knock out Mr. Butterworth. On news of the Butterworth attack, Google’s stock rose 13% today.

We at Fibonacci Pizza are proud to announce our new spokesperson. We spent many long hours discussing who would be the new face of F.P. and weighed many factors. In the end we went with the cheapest. One thing we pride ourselves on is the fact that we can spot a deal when we see one. Some companies may boast that they have big time celebrities from the world of movies, television, music, sports, or competitive eating, but we here at F.P. have snagged one of the biggest celebrities from the world of I.T. Yup, you guessed it. None other than Burle Von Burleson, the world’s strongest DBA. Burle can successfully lift a 9lb weight over his head. A feat matched by no other living DBA. We hope that adding Burle to the Fibonacci team will be as successful as the Dr. Z campaign was for Chrysler. We are also donating a portion of Fibonacci’s profits for August to the Burle and Melinda Von Burleson Foundation to help combat DBA insecurities (that software developers can do most functions of their jobs better than they can). Welcome aboard Burle, we are pleased to welcome you to the Fibonacci Pizza family until you no longer prove profitable to the company.

Recently, I have received a molto bello offer from the top brass over at Cupopizza.com. It concerns a possible merger between Fibonacci Pizza and Cup O pizza. We have been promised to make a lot of money. As regular readers of our one post may know, I love to make a lot of money. I plan on running this by co-contributor I.C. Giuseppe Verdi [ICGV], but I don’t expect any opposition. It’s a lot of money. How can anyone pass this up?

This week a group of Shriners visited Fibonacci Pizza. They ordered 9 pizzas and were summarily executed on the spot by the staff. Fibonacci Pizza wishes to send condolences to the family and friends of the victims of such a senseless (yet justified) tragedy.